i've been gliding through life like a leaf in the wind since new years. unemployment is more draining than i thought. have been in a place of utter disgust for life and everything it involves. slowly but surely locking myself up inside that said self, pushing good friends away like peas, drying up on the plate. no pudding for me.

a sort of unwilling hate that came from somewhere i never even knew existed. a deep place inside my ego where chaos is all knowing, chaos is god. all i needed to open up the box was time to myself. time i never should have had. time i never want to have again.

figuring out what you want is not the hard part. i want my own heaven. perfect state of existence in body and mind, without sounding too much like a hippie. figuring out how to get it is the tricky bit. mingling, a kind of social yoga. an uncharted part of the human mind. specially put in there by supreme beings, the sungods, for me.

i'm babbling on again. pardon me.

i miss you. you should come back on msn or something. we'll talk at length.

peave.

--
"can you see me alright? i am above you now, bathed in light."